Vintage Snake Oil !!!

Once upon a time there were only a couple of hundred computer viruses ... but even though they were few in number, they managed to grab plenty of headlines.

"Virus" was the computer buzzword of the late 1980s ... but few people knew much about them, and entrepreneurial antivirus vendors took advantage of this by feeding mountains of hype to journalists who wouldn't have recognized a virus if it bit them on the nose.!

In those days, virus attacks were nowhere near as common (and usually nowhere near as serious) as the public was led to believe ... but every time the headlines screamed "V I R U S", gullible computer users went into a panic and threw buckets of money at the prophets of doom.

History shows that the doom-and-gloomers who shouted loudest were antivirus vendors who (amazingly!) could protect you from the latest "deadly" virus threat ... at a price!

It was the Golden Age of Antivirus Snake Oil !!!

Now it's a whole new ball game.  Today the Internet is flooded with millions of viruses, worms, Trojans, and other assorted malware ... many of them very dangerous and extremely hard to detect ... but thanks to all the early hype it's almost impossible to get a legitimate virus warning published, and expensive cleanups have been so common in the past couple of years that a virus attack has to cost a fortune before it even rates a mention in the media.

We don't hear all that much about the many thousands of expensive malware attacks which occur every day of the year ... only "Big Hits" make the headlines ... but that doesn't mean the threat has been eradicated.

Far from it.

The 21st Century computer user faces a greater threat from malware than at any time in history.

He just doesn't know it.

 

"In House Testing" Snake Oil !!!

At one time or another every cheap-and-nasty antivirus program in the world has been proclaimed #1 by some self-appointed "virus expert" no-one has ever heard of.

Some so-called "independent reviews" used as references by some antivirus companies have been exposed as outright lies ... fairy tales written by shills hired by those very same shonky antivirus companies to make their own programs look good!

 

"Independent Test Report" Snake Oil !!!

There's no doubt that test reports by reputable evaluators are the average computer user's best source of unbiased opinion ... but be aware that some antivirus vendors have been caught modifying those test reports.

The version you read on an antivirus vendor's website may have been tampered with and selectively edited to make that vendor's own program look much better than it really is!

This sneaky little Snake Oil trick is so common that the only way to be sure you're reading a genuine independent test report is to check it out on the evaluator's own website!

It's also a good idea to check out the evaluator's credentials.  Recommendations from self-appointed "experts" are totally worthless!

 

"Professional Review" Snake Oil !!!

"Professional Review" websites offering you free recommendations on just about everything in the world are becoming quite common on the Internet ... but just how "professional" is their advice ... and is it really "free" ?

Many so called "Professional Review" websites are merely "click-through affiliate" sites ... they get paid when you click on the "Buy" button ... so you should bear in mind that their best rating and #1 recommendation is most likely to be the product that pays them the highest commission.

 

"Virus Writer's Recommendation" Snake Oil !!!

Some unethical antivirus vendors have used "endorsements" from virus writers to promote their programs!

Some even less ethical antivirus vendors have actually paid known virus writers and spreaders commissions to sell their programs!

If this isn't a conflict of interest ... we'd like to know what is!

 

"Simulated Virus" Snake Oil !!!

There is no such thing as a "simulated" virus!

It's either a virus or it's not ... and no decent antivirus program will detect "simulated" viruses.

Beware of any antivirus vendor who offers "proof" of his product's detection figures based on such rubbish.

Don't believe the results of computer magazine tests which use "simulated" viruses either.

They're fairy tales!

 

"Modified Virus" Snake Oil !!!

At least one unethical antivirus vendor is suspected of modifying live viruses so that only his program could detect them!

A few years ago that vendor made the fatal mistake of giving a number of such viruses to the late Jan Wikstrom ... a highly regarded computer journalist who knew his stuff and Technical Editor of Australian PC World at the time ... on the pretext of helping him establish the detection rate of antivirus programs.

Jan immediately smelled Snake Oil !!!

The vendor denied modifying those viruses, and of course it was virtually impossible to prove otherwise ... but Jan never did believe that several viruses on the same floppy disk managed to somehow modify themselves in such a way that the shonky vendor's program was able to detect them all with 100% accuracy while the world's top three scanners failed to find even one!

 

"Live virus demonstration" Snake Oil !!!

Beware of any antivirus vendor who offers to demonstrate his program on live viruses in your own office!

Even if he's not a "modified virus" cheat, all you're going to see is a Snake Oil detection demonstration on a hand-picked collection of selected viruses the vendor knows his product will detect!

No ethical vendor will bring a live virus into your home or workplace ... in fact, no ethical vendor will ever give you a live virus ... for any reason!

 

"Antivirus Newsgroup" Snake Oil !!!

Internet newsgroups like alt.comp.virus and alt.comp.anti-virus can be a good source of independent opinion on various anti-malware programs from satisfied (or dissatisfied) users of those programs ... but be aware that some antivirus company shills have been caught praising their own programs while posing as satisfied customers.

Some antivirus company employees have been exposed as shills by alert newsgroup regulars when they posted questions like "I'm looking for a good antivirus.   Can anyone tell me if PoopScan is worth buying for my company's 5,000 PCs network ?" under an alias, then replied to themselves (using another alias) with glowing praise of their own programs.

Ignore posts (and personal email replies) from any antivirus vendor who habitually rubbishes other antivirus programs.  This unethical Snake Oil sales pitch is universally disliked by newsgroup regulars, and the vendor's products are generally regarded as a waste of money.

Take posts and replies originating from anonymous remailers or freemail accounts which tell you "I've used PoopScan for years and it's the best - you can download a copy from www.poopscan.com" as Snake Oil.  Credible regular participants who genuinely try to help people who come into the newsgroups looking for advice don't hide behind aliases or freemail accounts ... they post under their own names from their own accounts ... and although some of them may have a favorite antivirus program they will usually suggest two or three different products and will often point you towards independent reviews to back up their recommendations.

You can just about guarantee that anyone who anonymously touts one antivirus program is a shill, and that the program he's trying to ram up your nose is second rate or worse!

You can get good advice from newsgroups, but you'd be wise to watch quietly for a while until you find out who's who.

Always bear in mind that you're likely to be targeted by a professional shill with a vested interest in the program he recommends ... and beware of the Snake Oil !!!

 

"Security Forum" Snake Oil !!!

Every security forum gets its share of posters who gob off about how "XYZ is the worst antivirus program in the world!  PoopScan found 317 viruses it missed on my hard drive!"

A couple of things such posts almost always have in common are :

(1) the poster can never identify the allegedly missed viruses to other forum users because (a) it happened so long ago he forgot their names or (b) he didn't write down the names or (c) blah blah blah yakkety yak.

(2) the poster can never provide samples of those viruses for examination by the antivirus vendor he's been slagging off because (a) PoopScan deleted them or (b) his hard drive crashed or (c) he's not going to help XYZ improve their crappy program or (d) blah blah blah yakkety yak.

The same advice applies here as applies to antivirus newsgroups ... watch quietly for a while until you find out who's who. Security forums are a great place to find hands-on reports from the users of a particular antivirus product ... but they're also idiot magnets!

 

"Magazine Recommendation" Snake Oil !!!

"PoopScan detected all 6 viruses we used in our test with amazing 100% accuracy!"
     (PC Blah Magazine - April 2000)

You've all seen computer magazine articles recommending PoopScan as your best antivirus buy ... right ?

If you read between the lines you'll see that these recommendations are often based on tests performed on a handful of antique viruses by some obscure part-time scribbler no-one's ever heard of ... some nerd who was appointed as the magazine's security guru because nobody else in the office could spell "PoopScan".

It's a sad fact of life that many of the tests you see in PC magazines aren't even worth the paper they're written on!  When it comes to antivirus and anti-malware software, some high profile "computer security experts" don't have the faintest idea what they're talking about!

Not all magazine articles are Snake Oil, however.  A few computer journalists actually do know their stuff when it comes to malware, and this shows up in their methodology and the professional manner in which they conduct their tests and the way they present their findings ... but unfortunately they're few and far between.

Some magazines (Australian PC Authority, for example) go one step further by conducting annual "Best and Worst Hardware and Software" shootouts, and these are a much more reliable guide to what's really what than the scribblings of some zero-cred "expert" ... the results are based on input from thousands of readers whose votes for products are based on their own hands-on experience in the real world.

 

"Editor's Choice" and "Best Buy" Snake Oil !!!

It has often been said that computer magazines only ever give their "Editor's choice" and "Best Buy" awards to the "Big Name" antivirus companies who spend the most money on advertising.  We'd hate to think that any ethical publisher would be a party to this sort of bribery ... but the rumors are out there.

Although it often appears that the guy with the biggest ads always walks off with the awards, one Australian computer magazine stands a head and shoulders above the crowd with its "We don't do Snake Oil" style of publishing.

The May 2001 issue of PC User featured its annual antivirus test comparison.  Products tested were: Aladdin eSafe, Alwil Avast, Computer Associates InoculateIT, Computer Associates VET AntiVirus, Dialogue Science Dr Web, Frisk F-Prot, Symantec (Norton), NAI (McAfee) ViruScan, Grisoft AVG, Kaspersky AntiVirus (AVP / KAV), Norman Virus Control, Sophos AntiVirus, and ESET NOD32.

This test wasn't the work of some unknown scribbler with no virus knowledge at all ... it was conducted by Australia's most highly respected computer journalist ... Australian PC User's long-time Technical Editor, the late Jan Wikstrom.

Jan named ESET NOD32 "Best Buy" with an unbeatable 100% detection, and we had no ads in the magazine ... in fact, we'd never had a single NOD32 ad in Australian PC User.

There was definitely no Snake Oil involved ... Australian PC User gave ESET NOD32 the #1 rating strictly on its superior performance !!!

We imagine it must take quite a lot of guts for a computer magazine's publisher to tell its big-spending advertisers that their high profile "Big Name" antivirus programs were blown away in detection by what was in 2001 a virtually unknown antivirus program with a funny name from a country no-one had ever heard of, and we certainly appreciate Australian PC User's honesty and integrity!

 

"Best value for money " Snake Oil !!!

A subset of "Editor's Choice" Snake Oil, "Best value for money" magazine test ratings are invariably quoted by antivirus companies which don't score #1 in virus detection!

Many people regard "Best value for money" ratings as a sneaky trick used by magazine publishers to avoid upsetting big-spending advertisers whose programs were out-detected in their tests.

Fancy GUIs and bells and whistles might look nice, but the real value for money in an antivirus program lies in its ability to detect more viruses than its competitors ... and that's the bottom line !!!

 

"Expert Tester" Snake Oil !!!

Some magazine antivirus reviews are based on rigidly controlled tests conducted by highly respected antivirus industry professionals against 100%-verified malware samples.  Those reviews are a reliable guide to a product's real world performance.

Some magazine antivirus reviews are based on tests conducted by self-appointed "experts" with poor antivirus industry credibility against huge collections of unverified "we think it's malware" samples and assorted non-viral rubbish.  Those reviews are usually not worth the time you waste reading them.

It pays to keep in mind that some well known "big time" antivirus product testers are nowhere near as competent as they'd like you to believe !!!

 

"Free Lifetime Updates" Snake Oil !!!

Some antivirus ads scream "FREE LIFETIME UPDATES" in blazing headlines ... but what does the small print which reads "for the life of the product" really mean ?

It means "Buy our program now and you can update this version until we decide not to support it any more!"

It means "If we release a new version next month you'll have to pay for a program upgrade or keep using the old version with its outdated virus detection engine!"

It means "Hello, Sucker!"

There are no hidden charges when you license ESET NOD32 !!!

We don't offer you some shonky "free lifetime updates" deal which applies only to the version you purchased!

We guarantee free downloadable updates and program upgrades for the life of your license !!!

(Currently (2006) a couple of notable exceptions have actually been providing free lifetime subscriptions for a couple of years, but such genuine offers are few and far between.)

 

"100% Detection" Snake Oil !!!

Some anti-malware companies claim "100% detection" for their programs.

We won't insult your intelligence with such an outrageous and ridiculous claim !!!

ESET NOD32 is the only anti-malware program in the world that has detected 100% of the "In the Wild" viruses in every Virus Bulletin test since May 1998, but we can't guarantee 100% detection 100% of the time ... and if we can't do it, neither can anyone else!

Forget the advertising hype! When it comes to detecting viruses, ESET NOD32 takes a back seat to no-one!

Independent tests prove that ESET NOD32 consistently provides better protection than any other anti-malware program in the world!

We won't give you a shonky "100% detection" guarantee ... but we will put you on the cutting edge of anti-malware technology ... and we'll guarantee to keep you there!